Why are Children Anxious?

When you look at your child, the one who seems to be thinking about every outcome, about every scenario, it's natural to think “What on earth is causing them to be so anxious?” 

Whether you have multiple children this way, or have friends with little worries, many kids are like this. Childhood anxiety is incredibly common, and watching your child manage anxieties that feel enormous to them, even though maybe not to you, is distressing and confusing. As parents, we naturally want to swoop them up and make those scary feelings go away. But in order to truly help our children through the big emotions of anxiety, we must first understand what is at the root of these feelings.

Let's dive into what might be stirring the pot for our little worriers. Typically, it's more of a blend of ingredients, like a complex recipe, than a single cause.

Potential Causes and Reasons

When exploring the causes of childhood anxiety, it's best to consider them in two parts: those we are born with and those we gain over time. Neither one is better or worse than the other, but understanding is key to supporting. 

1. Genetics and Biology: Our anxious tendencies can sometimes be from our family. If our parents or other family members have battled anxiety, we actually have a slightly higher chance of passing it down to our children. While it is not a guarantee, this can tell us that our children are somewhat more naturally sensitive to being hyper-vigilant. 

Brain chemistry differences and nervous system reactions to stress fall under this category. It's kind of like how some houses have more sensitive smoke alarms than others; there can be the same level of smoke, however one tends to go off before the other. 

 2. Environmental Factors: Children take in everything around them and in their environment. The world they live in also influences their anxieties in many ways. When what kids know to be “normal” gets shifted, they can have a hard time adjusting. 

This can look like a big, life-altering event and it can trigger significant anxiety in kids. For example: moving, starting a new school, divorce, the death of a pet or family member, or a health crisis. These events can shift their sense of security, adding stress. 

3. Family Dynamics: Conflict, bickering, or even a tense household can leave a child feeling anxious and insecure. Believe it or not, our own anxiety can easily spill over to our children, even though we don't intend to.

 4. School Pressures: School can present many issues when it comes to anxiety, for many children. Academic expectations, social acceptance, bullying, or the daily work of school can be overwhelming. 

The Way They Think

How a child processes information and responds to circumstances also plays a significant role in anxiety. 

Some kids are inherently prone to being worriers or overthinkers. They may do something called catastrophizing. This is when they assume the absolute worst-case scenario. For example, If a child makes a small error in school, they might jump to the conclusion of failing the course, never going to college, and "ruining their lives!"

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Children with anxiety often need frequent reassurances to calm them down. For some, it may take very little to settle them down, while others need to talk it through. 

With that being said, some kids avoid discussions altogether. Many anxious children avoid situations or experiences that provoke their fear, to prevent facing them. This behaviour may offer temporary relief, however it reinforces the anxiety as a result by preventing the child from learning that they are capable of managing the fear.

What Can We Parents Do? 

We've discussed some common triggers and causes of anxiety in children, but that doesn’t solve it all. What steps can we take to help them cope? It's not about removing all anxiety but about empowering them to manage their emotions effectively.

The first thing we can do is listen and validate. When your child confides in you, listen with empathy, and acknowledge their worries, even if they seem minor. Try saying something like, "I see you're really worried about your upcoming test," or "It sounds like the thought of the party is making you nervous." 

When we validate their feelings, children feel understood and less alone. Phrases like "Don't worry" or "There's nothing to be afraid of" can make them feel invalidated and less likely to open up again. 

Once they feel heard and understood, help your child learn techniques to cope with anxiety. Deep breathing exercises or taking quiet breaks are all excellent options. Practice these skills with them when they are not anxious so they become a go-to method for them when a stressful event arises.

While it's natural to want to protect our children by allowing them to avoid things that scare them, avoidance only feeds their anxiety. Instead, encourage them to face their fears incrementally. Start small and celebrate every successful step. For example, if they are afraid of dogs, begin with pictures and progress to watching dogs from a distance and eventually petting a gentle dog.

When to Seek Professional Help

With all these explanations and strategies in mind, oftentimes anxiety persists. It’s often helpful to seek guidance from a psychologist or counsellor if you observe symptoms that are persistent or are intense. This is also applicable if you notice physical symptoms, sleep disturbances or significant distress. 

But even if your child is experiencing these symptoms, that doesn’t mean you should worry; it just means they need extra support! Professional help can help identify specific anxieties, provide specific strategies, and help with effective coping skills. They simply give them a toolkit to manage their big emotions.

Watching our children struggle with anxiety can be really hard and upsetting, especially because we need to help them face it. But remember that understanding them and loving them go a long way. Be their safe space and the person that listens, because understanding the roots of their fear can solve many of their fears.