Is It Normal for My Child to Grieve Like This?

As every parent knows, kids can experience a whirlwind of emotions. One moment they’re buzzing with excitement; the next, they’re overwhelmed with frustration. They are on a constant ride of feelings, taking twists and turns without warning. This can be a lot to navigate on its own — but now add grief into the mix.

When a child is grieving, those already unpredictable emotions can show up in unexpected ways, and that’s when many parents start to wonder: “Is it normal for my child to grieve like this?” But the truth is, there is no one “normal” way to grieve. Grief is a confusing emotion — especially for young children — and their emotional responses may vary greatly from yours.

Although grief looks different for everyone, there are certain dos and don’ts when it comes to offering support.

Today, we’re going to dive into how children experience grief — not judging whether their response is “weird” or “normal,” but instead unpacking common reactions that might seem uncommon or even unnatural.

What Does Grief Look Like?

As we mentioned, grief can look different from person to person, as it’s nonlinear. In children, we often see an intermittent response — meaning they grieve in short “spurts” rather than experiencing prolonged emotions like many adults do. This is due to their psychological development.

Because kids’ brains are significantly less developed than those of adults, they struggle to process an emotion as large as grief. As a result, they process loss in stages, based on their cognitive and emotional development.

For example, a younger child (ages 3–6) may not be able to conceptualize the permanence of death. This can lead to repetitive questions like “Where are they now?” and the repeated return of the same intense emotion, as they begin to understand that someone they love is truly gone.

Alternatively, children aged 7–12 are more likely to grasp the concept of permanence, but that understanding can bring fear. Children around 10 years old, for instance, may develop fears around the idea of others or loved ones dying — a response linked to the emotional intelligence they’ve developed at this stage.

Despite these age-based differences, children of all ages may show regressive behaviour as a coping mechanism. Regardless of how much they understand about grief, their emotions tend to externalize when they’re unable to fully express them.

Why Is My Child Laughing or Playing Right After Crying?

When it comes to long-term responses, parents often get confused by what can seem like contradictory behaviour. Children will often do something we call “puddle jumping.” This is when kids jump in and out of grief, going from crying to playing in a matter of minutes.

Although this might seem bizarre or confusing, it is extremely common. This wave-like pattern of emotion is actually a natural defence mechanism children use to manage intense emotional states.

Because of their stage of brain development, children use this technique to avoid staying in distressing emotions for too long. But, as we know, pushing emotions down is only a temporary fix — leading them back into the cycle of crying after playing.

So, remember: when your child is playing, it doesn’t mean they’ve “gotten over it.” It means they are processing their grief in a way that’s normal and healthy for them.

They Don’t Talk About It — Is That a Problem?

From a psychological standpoint, many parents worry when their child doesn’t want to “talk it out.” But avoidance can be a very normal grief response, especially if a child lacks the emotional vocabulary to express deep loss.

Research — including Piaget’s stages of cognitive development — shows that abstract reasoning (which includes understanding concepts like permanent loss) doesn’t fully develop until around age 11. This reminds us to offer patience and lenience, especially with younger children.

Instead of expecting your child to explain what they’re feeling, try observing non-verbal signs. Children often show us more than they tell us. Keep an eye out for changes in sleep, appetite, irritability, or clinginess.

It’s okay if they’re not verbal — be patient. Don’t push them to talk; instead, offer a calm presence and predictability in an otherwise unpredictable time.

How Can Counselling Help? 

Sometimes, a child’s grief can feel overwhelming for a parent — especially if the whole family is grieving the same loss. In trying to care for everyone else, you may find there’s little energy left for yourself.

Child counselling can be incredibly beneficial — not just for your child, but for the family as a whole. A trained therapist can pick up on small cues — from mood shifts to drawings — that may be harder to notice in a busy home environment.

Therapy uses a range of age-appropriate tools to help kids express what’s going on in their minds and bodies, without forcing them to talk. These tools include play therapy, art therapy, and narrative therapy. The goal is to give your child a safe outlet to process their emotions, even if they don’t yet have the words to explain them.

Through therapy, kids can also begin to build their emotional literacy, learning how to name and express their “big feelings” over time. This creates a foundation for healthy coping strategies — both now and in the future.

It’s easy as a parent to feel responsible for your child’s emotions — but the truth is, you’re not. While it may feel tempting to try to “fix” it for them, there’s no quick solution to grief.

What matters most is that you provide steady, loving support — and understand the difference between helpful and unhelpful responses. Grief isn’t something we solve; it’s something we walk through.

With the tips we’ve shared, you can walk alongside your child as they grieve in their own way.

And remember: it’s okay to feel unsure as a parent. You don’t need to know everything. Trust your instincts — and reach out when you need support.

Help is always available — especially at Bright Star Counselling.